thankful

twentymoon

twentymoon

apparently twenty years isn’t very long. when i was young a month seemed never ending and a year felt so vast that it couldn’t be conceived. but tomorrow joshua and i will have been married for twenty years.  somehow it doesn’t feel like very much […]

lack of love and the holidays

lack of love and the holidays

maybe your family tree is a little bit of a thicket.  a gnarled bramble of fallen and crisscrossed limbs and branches.  the holidays approaching might tick towards you like an unstoppable hour and put your origin story front in center in your mind. just how […]

the great intelligence of kindness

the great intelligence of kindness

mazzy has been busy with her high school musical. she’s been spending nights at rehearsal, putting together costume ideas and driving to the performing center right from school with friends who have cars. driving in a friend’s car.  walking together out of the school to […]

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day?

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day?

that will shakespeare really knew what he was saying. “And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.” ain’t it the truth? i decided that summer is like one long day and by mid-july i knew that the evening was coming on.  i told someone […]

baptizing children

baptizing children

they put her in a white robe. it was her birthday. eight years old. it was easter and she had decided to get baptized. i don’t know what to think about baptizing an eight year old.  can a child really understand the decision that they […]

codependent as the day is long

i have a real problem. i’m nearly addicted to the approval of people. it’s strange.  and it strangles.  it has made me do things that i’m not proud of. i’ll be the fool. i’ll be the fool for you. for me, there is a thin […]

santa is over for now

the holidays. sigh. the holidays found me bumming a cigarette off strangers and wandering through the woods with bright sunlight blinding my eyes. there was so much to do.  so much to get done. i felt the absence of youth this time around. when i […]

when madeleine l’engle kicked my ass

after i hung up the phone and told joshua what i’d just learned, we knew that our tiny church plant was done.  there had been signs leading to that moment in our kitchen.  but this was it.  the final nail. he leaned over onto the […]

lord, to whom can we go?

O Lord my God.  Teach my heart this day where and how to find you. You have made me and re-made me, and you have bestowed on me all the good things I possess, and still I do not know you. I have not yet […]

all to reveal a secret we can’t hide

  during communal prayer at church, anyone can say anything.  i’ve heard mothers weep for children and homeless men go off on political rants. last sunday i had a prayer in my throat. but i think and rethink.  i wonder how i’ll say it.  i’m […]