and i’m so glad

and i’m so glad

joshua and i celebrated 19 years of marriage a couple of weeks ago.  the first four years of it there were no children.  no mazzy.  no abe.  no ella. i remember the counseling and the fighting.  i remember how hard it was to suddenly be […]

writing lonely stories

writing is ministering, pastoring, chaplaincy. i come to you and trace my scars with a fingertip.  i show you the map of me and at the same time you see that i’m healed up now, that i’m still here, that i’m okay. and so are […]

a strange and bitter crop

how do you write about the strange fruit in america these past months? how do you write about it as a person with skin so light that i always pass in every situation? maybe you don’t write about it. but i don’t know how not […]

gender roles in my own backyard

we’re eating lunch at a plastic picnic table.  my knees barely fit underneath.  we’re mere feet away from the trampoline and the swing set. this is how young it starts. my son.  my beautiful boy.  this kind-hearted, contagious, leader of a boy.  he is a […]

i got nothing

i really don’t know what to tell you. i don’t have words and the words i have i don’t like. i feel like detroit. all the people are gone.  the people who come around aren’t good enough.  and the ones who never left?  well, i’m […]

the difference between saved and solved

i like to say that when i got high for the first time, i was solved. i was up north and sitting around with people older than me, who knew better, but didn’t care.  we passed around dented beer cans and wore ripped jeans.  i […]

have you eaten from the tree?

the tension in the word of god swings like the young girl in the trees with my son. she is agile and lovely.  my boy tries to keep up with her.  i try to keep up with paul as he lays out plain as day […]

the highest form of flattery

“beware of thinking back to what you once were when god wants you to be something you have never been.” – oswald chambers moving to detroit changed things between me and god.  for so long there was the waiting to do god’s will, to obey […]

dearly departed (sort of)

i watch the worship leader begin to cry.  he stops mid song and his voice breaks. tears are falling down his face and we keep singing.  every voice in the room keeps up the song he can’t go on with until he regains his composure. […]