unanswered prayers

my dad was back in the stacks and the snow wasn’t stopping outside.  big, fat snowflakes falling themselves down on the lucky streets of ann arbor, michigan.  i looked over and saw my husband considering yet another collection of words to stick into his brain. what a beautiful night. my mother was watching the kids.

children on the shore

“Now I don’t want anything,”  the father of Aylan Kurdi said a day later, after filling out forms at a morgue to claim the bodies of his family. “Even if you give me all the countries in the world, I don’t want them. What was precious is gone.” i went to the water a few

Read More

when i am not enough

  prayer books assume a lot. they take for granted that a body needs to take time to pray at least three times a day. at least. i’m being towed up on a line.  i am mentally preparing myself to tube down a ski hill. when i do, the first few seconds feel like a

Read More

tell a better story

we barely dragged ourselves to church. everyone was tired and both girls were blowing their noses into tissues. “mom!  i can’t go to church!  i have a cold!”  said mazzy. i was crying from the first worship song on. “there’s no place i would rather be, then here in your love, then here in your

Read More

swimming across lake michigan

we go to the beach. the waves lap up and back. my son is legs and arms, long and running behind me. my daughters dig in the sand. even in this moment they are growing up. i thought last night why it made sense that eventually children leave home, but i can’t remember what the

Read More

back-alley heart surgery

gravel is crunching under my shoes as i crouch down low near a dumpster. my friends, my good friends, are in the bar.  i don’t have a lot of praying under my belt yet.  but i need.  i need so bad. i need a listening someone with sway. i set down his keys.  my father’s

Read More

good news for liars

“my idea of god is not a divine idea. it has to be shattered time after time. he shatters it himself. he is the great iconoclast. could we almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of his presence? the incarnation is the supreme example, it leaves all previous ideas of the messiah

Read More

prayer request

i get prayer. it’s not a holy moment for healing and restoration. it isn’t a ritual. pray with me, jesus asked the disciples and they tried.  they really did.  but they fell asleep. i pray because i can’t do this. the world around me.  the things i know. i pray because, really, what else is

Read More