hidden days

i walk the quiet streets with a quiet daughter who herself is hidden.  we do school and swim and she rides horses again. she asks for real school. this girl is versed in being unrecognized, unknown, in being misunderstood and dismissed – even by those closest to her. obsolete. i always hesitate to give up

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talking to god in the woods

i open my mouth and speak out loud.  i’m in the woods again and there’s no one around. i can tell the truth, reach out – converse? i’ve been here and i’ve done this same moment time and time again.  it’s the moment right before and i don’t believe and i will myself to breathe

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mud monsters

an odd thing has occurred over the past two weeks.  during the move and among all these boxes, i packed up parts of myself.  i stretched the tape with its loud resistance, not wanting to become a straight line, content to wrap endlessly around itself, i pressed it clear onto that box that contained me

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another place

peace is as close as my own front door. i’ve been trying to remember that in the presence of the lord there is fullness of joy. so where is the lord and where can his presence be found? right here. right now. in the present moment alone. no need to travel to a conference or

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light spills from our pockets

we’re living in answered prayer. i unpack boxes into space to breathe, into space large enough to house all five of these souls that a good god has decided is our family.  i see my husband talk to me beneath a fifteen foot ceiling and i think, yes, we are finally in a space big

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and who shall wear the starry crown

what power does water have to change a life?  how does it aide in turning from my ways? repentance isn’t about water.  it’s not about going down to the river and washing away all the things i’ve done. or is it? the baptizer first said that repenting, turning around, was about life.  or more to

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visitors welcome

there are briers overgrown on certain points of our path. every family has its faults. the farmer rises early and sets to the chores in the barn, shows kindness to his animals, raises intelligent children. hard work.  cheerful hearts.  genuine prayers. we drive an hour out of the city and spend a morning at the

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summer time

“god’s timing is different than our timing.” this admonition seems to always come with an obnoxious knowing glance that is trite and makes that mountain of truth into a molehill. there is no knowing look for us human beings. i know nothing and i’ll defend that same nothing to my last breath sometimes. i’m like

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grand

“i’m going to grandma’s house.” eleanor climbs tiny and her mind spoken is a fact, but there is a darling in her heart able to sway. her father’s mother. lush in the backyard is the grandmother most of all.  among all the tended plants and intended wild growth, there is a flower fairer. eleanor has

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i will learn the language

“teach us to walk  joyfully in your path.” – A.I. Breviary ~ ‘the prayer of christians’ and so it is that i need to be taught how to walk with joy in this life.  why is it that way? why is joy not my default?  why must i learn how? with only eighty years, you’d

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