healing

175 years isn’t enough

175 years isn’t enough

pain doesn’t like to be looked at straight on.  it’ll distract and deflect and will look in any direction except back into your eyes. that’s what that judge was doing.  she forced pain to sit down in a chair and held its face forward, refusing […]

seasonal heart

seasonal heart

these days of muted light feel just about right. sometimes my heart feels wide open, easily accessible, like the bright blue. but not lately. no, when the sun gets further away, a thin sheet of ice weathered from the events and circumstances of the year […]

lack of love and the holidays

lack of love and the holidays

maybe your family tree is a little bit of a thicket.  a gnarled bramble of fallen and crisscrossed limbs and branches.  the holidays approaching might tick towards you like an unstoppable hour and put your origin story front in center in your mind. just how […]

when they go low, we go lower

when they go low, we go lower

my daughter told me i have a beautiful heart and that i needed to keep my peace, keep my calm, so the morning after the election i ended up at a yoga class. the instructor arrived and unlocked the door.  she was a young black […]

like a child

the other day a trusted friend hurt my feelings. i have a long and complicated relationship with friendship.  it seemed best to begin to plot my revenge immediately. i figured out the ways to protect myself and to hurt back.  i felt better. i also […]

what you’ll find there

have you ever felt too dependent on someone? that sort of if i’m not near this person, i’m not quite sure the world will continue on as it should? yeah, me neither. when that person breaks your heart, you could have a real chance. a […]

codependent as the day is long

i have a real problem. i’m nearly addicted to the approval of people. it’s strange.  and it strangles.  it has made me do things that i’m not proud of. i’ll be the fool. i’ll be the fool for you. for me, there is a thin […]

i’ll meet you at the table

our family gathered around my table and i felt older than i ever had before. and i guess that’s right.  i’m almost forty and my own children are set to start turning into teenagers in a couple of months, growing almost tall as their grandmothers. […]

and then he took the cup saying

a bee fell into my wine mug. i went to take a drink and there he was set to drown. i grabbed a twig, stuck it in and expert that he is, he climbed his way out along it and soon found himself in the […]

and the shepherd is the gate

we’re sitting in a mexican restaurant and one of us or the other says it. “we sound hurt.” when the words of a person who’s been hurt by the church and the sentences coming out of your mouth match up it can be awkward. but […]