grace; free gifts

and i’m so glad

and i’m so glad

joshua and i celebrated 19 years of marriage a couple of weeks ago.  the first four years of it there were no children.  no mazzy.  no abe.  no ella. i remember the counseling and the fighting.  i remember how hard it was to suddenly be […]

dwelling places

dwelling places

“do not let your hearts be troubled.  believe in god, believe also in me.” a few weeks back i took a risk. i have a precious friend.  maybe you have one.  i say precious because you feel the luck when you’re with them.  they are […]

when the heart starts freezing over

we drive down two lane roads in these woods with snow banks on either side.  they curve and hug frozen bodies of water; small neighborhood lakes and grand bays. on each there are people dotting the ice with their fishing poles.  solitary figures making the most […]

the memory of the heart

it’s late at night when my mind and heart are vulnerable to old words spoken. words that were jumbled together any way you like, but always say the same thing. “i reject you.” “you are unwanted.” “you are unloved.” these stupid words from a person who […]

and then he took the cup saying

a bee fell into my wine mug. i went to take a drink and there he was set to drown. i grabbed a twig, stuck it in and expert that he is, he climbed his way out along it and soon found himself in the […]

pie crust promises

the boy has started a comic book club and i have a tooth in my front pocket.  the girl smiles at me.  both of her front teeth have gone missing. things go missing sometimes, like whole summers, entire years even. a new friend and i talk […]

so young at the start

i met a young man.  he was too popular and too talented and i watched from a distance, quiet.  i was so broken, i gambled a kiss with him and lost on purpose. our relationship has always been a gamble. our first date was a […]

the perfect christian life and anti-depressants

(this article originally appeared in catapult magazine.  the topic has been on my mind, so i thought i’d bring her back out and put a new dress on her.) A close friend knocked on our door a few weeks after our daughter was born. He […]

when i am not enough

  prayer books assume a lot. they take for granted that a body needs to take time to pray at least three times a day. at least. i’m being towed up on a line.  i am mentally preparing myself to tube down a ski hill. […]

resolving to receive

when we happened into town that winter it seemed they were having a festival of sorts. one that celebrated the ice and snow.  the festivities caught our eyes and we drove right past a sign that said: free carriage rides. now i’m from detroit and […]