than many sparrows

there are people around me all the time. before most days, most years, i was alone. now i wake up with them, drive to them, work with them, come home to them, sleep next to them and wake up with them once again. before i was around them.  i took care of them, but then

do you believe in whales?

whale sighting this morning. one tail spotted diving back down into this vast blue steel sea.  a spray soon follows and it’s enough to convince me that yes, there are whales in this ocean all around. what about twenty years from now when i haven’t been back at sea and all i have are the

hallelujah is another word for thank you

and i’ve seen your flag on the marble arch and love is not a victory march it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah mazzy wants to be in the choir. she’s sat in the audience applauding her brother and her sister for a few years now. she wants a turn.  but the polite email

and i’m so glad

joshua and i celebrated 19 years of marriage a couple of weeks ago.  the first four years of it there were no children.  no mazzy.  no abe.  no ella. i remember the counseling and the fighting.  i remember how hard it was to suddenly be married in a new city where i knew no one.

dwelling places

“do not let your hearts be troubled.  believe in god, believe also in me.” a few weeks back i took a risk. i have a precious friend.  maybe you have one.  i say precious because you feel the luck when you’re with them.  they are a kind of marvel across the table from you and

when the heart starts freezing over

we drive down two lane roads in these woods with snow banks on either side.  they curve and hug frozen bodies of water; small neighborhood lakes and grand bays. on each there are people dotting the ice with their fishing poles.  solitary figures making the most of their time.  i want to run out and be with

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the memory of the heart

it’s late at night when my mind and heart are vulnerable to old words spoken. words that were jumbled together any way you like, but always say the same thing. “i reject you.” “you are unwanted.” “you are unloved.” these stupid words from a person who has no memory of speaking them, they can stick around like

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pie crust promises

the boy has started a comic book club and i have a tooth in my front pocket.  the girl smiles at me.  both of her front teeth have gone missing. things go missing sometimes, like whole summers, entire years even. a new friend and i talk about how we’re subject to the seasons – how fall

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so young at the start

i met a young man.  he was too popular and too talented and i watched from a distance, quiet.  i was so broken, i gambled a kiss with him and lost on purpose. our relationship has always been a gamble. our first date was a movie.  he picked me up and sped down the highway.

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