wanted: one husband

i’ve spent the summer with my family. my husband has blurred.  he’s one of the five of us.  we’re all in this together. but i don’t know. sometimes i miss the two of us. apparently he could have been found on the beach in his […]

grandfathers and writing conferences

i left town last week.  i’m leaving again on thursday. i couldn’t leave soon enough when my children were small.  little hands hooked around my neck and breathing so close, too close.  no quiet.  always taking care. it’s not like that now. now it seems […]

milkweed thanksgiving

it’s late. we’re under blankets in our cold bedroom.  joshua’s reading and i’m remembering the milkweed plant i saw in a garden at mazzy’s school. we don’t know it but clouds are gathering right over our heads.  we don’t know that we’ll wake up to […]

making beds

children pick up dolls and start to play while i pull bed sheets tight across twin mattresses. “let’s make this bed, please.” someone totters over to the other side and begins to chant, “tuck.  tuck.  tuck.” i am down on my knees and i watch […]

the family vineyard

my mother is worried. the grapes ripen on the vine and the white clouds sit in bluest sky. i agree. there’s a lot to worry about. she’s telling stories. grandma bessey’s house.  she and her brother and sisters would stay there when her parents fought […]

brand new again

these summer days are being sewn together.  the thread of time pulling days side by side and making a patchwork quilt of life. i hope it covers you, child. i want light to leak from our pockets every minute. i want to look at your […]

girlfriend is better

girlfriend is better

“we’re you afraid to get pregnant again?” some questions tell more than they ask. no. a simple answer to a complicated heart. let’s unmask the question, shall we? “did you consider sterilization after you had a child with down syndrome?” “were you so devastated that […]

no pictures. no words.

i left my camera with his motorcycle. i didn’t bring it on purpose so i’d be all there.  so i’d be in the moment with my dad. and i missed the shot. we walked the river and there was another group of people there, too. […]

fathers and god

when i was a little girl i had an invisible sign on my back that some children were able to read. it said – afraid. one winter, three boys that specialized in reading invisible ink followed me home two days running. i walked by myself […]

with this ring

two children couldn’t stand it.  mom’s door slightly closed.  it was too much. “mom!  you have to see the dining room table.” sunlight is coming through my windows and from their faces. and he’s in the kitchen.  he’s making hash browns.  dad’s famous hash browns. […]