depression

seasonal heart

seasonal heart

these days of muted light feel just about right. sometimes my heart feels wide open, easily accessible, like the bright blue. but not lately. no, when the sun gets further away, a thin sheet of ice weathered from the events and circumstances of the year […]

stout-hearted

stout-hearted

i’m going through the motions.  laundry.  dishes.  downstairs in the basement i hear change in my son’s jeans as i go to put them in the washing machine.  i dig around in the pocket and bring out three coins.  they feel like quarters in my […]

the perfect christian life and anti-depressants

(this article originally appeared in catapult magazine.  the topic has been on my mind, so i thought i’d bring her back out and put a new dress on her.) A close friend knocked on our door a few weeks after our daughter was born. He […]

psalm 34:18

the lord is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed. our friend tells us that he’s been tore up ever since his mother died and i’m thinking that he doesn’t know how right he is. the words brokenhearted in the bible translate […]

when i am not enough

  prayer books assume a lot. they take for granted that a body needs to take time to pray at least three times a day. at least. i’m being towed up on a line.  i am mentally preparing myself to tube down a ski hill. […]

the national threat of postpartum depression

i’m more disturbed that my government shot and killed an unarmed woman than that it’s in the midst of shut down. miriam carey was in a compromised mental state brought about by postpartum depression.  i don’t know her.  i don’t know her story. but she […]

i got nothing

i really don’t know what to tell you. i don’t have words and the words i have i don’t like. i feel like detroit. all the people are gone.  the people who come around aren’t good enough.  and the ones who never left?  well, i’m […]

the surface of the waters

“the vision god gives is not a castle in the air, but a vision of what god wants you to be. let him put you on his wheel and whirl you as he likes, and as sure as god is god and you are you, […]

auditioning for the role of pastor

what comes after a god-sized dream? i’m on my knees, leaning over a bathtub.  again. i’m sitting on the living room floor folding clothes, watching television.  again. i’m putting forks where forks go, spoons with spoons. my everyday is to make the small world of […]

i wonder if you could speak up

we talk about god speaking to us. i heard god say this or that. i’m not immune to this type of language or the experience, but lately i’m wondering if he could speak up. then there is the thought that god is always speaking. through […]