contentment

decisions, decisions

decisions, decisions

i’m trying to figure it out. i’m trying to understand what i’m supposed to do. am i supposed to lead?  am i supposed to write?  am i supposed to interpret? most likely its all of the above. and mother. and wife. deep breath. there is […]

frozen in time

frozen in time

the skin on my fingers starts to burn. being outdoors these past few days is a little like the lies i tell myself.  they seem like good ideas.  they can’t possibly be that dangerous. my boots step onto the snow but it doesn’t feel like […]

raspberry beret

raspberry beret

a funny thing kept happening as we walked alone in rows of raspberries.  every spot we stopped to pick there would be a better one directly across the way. each time the very next row would hold larger berries, branches with fruit threatening to drop […]

whether or not you have ever dared to pray

whether or not you have ever dared to pray

maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is really a lamp lit in the window. seems the largest part of my life is a grasping, a strangling, trying to make a good thing and hold on to it as tight as i can. […]

when staying at home is lame

the grocery store is its own particular type of torture. i must be thankful for the resources to be there, the choices, the strength in my legs to walk the aisles, to push the cart.  i know.  i must be. but when you’ve done something […]

when the gospel goes missing

in a drawer, tucked away like a shirt, is the gospel. black and white beads on a thin string.  my daughter made it in a sunday school class.  its simplicity stole my heart. i put it away. reaching for a swimming suit i would see […]

where is god?

i’m opening the clasp between four fingers, just at the tips.  it is delicate work putting on a necklace.  silver on the very edge of nail and then it’s behind my back and in my mind’s eye where this smallest loop is waiting. it comes […]

building a platform

i started writing this blog with no end in mind. i’ve always written.  ever since i was little and the blank, yellow page seemed safer than any other place.  i’ve got thirty journals for people to burn after i die. then came the internet. i […]

santa is over for now

the holidays. sigh. the holidays found me bumming a cigarette off strangers and wandering through the woods with bright sunlight blinding my eyes. there was so much to do.  so much to get done. i felt the absence of youth this time around. when i […]

when the heart starts freezing over

we drive down two lane roads in these woods with snow banks on either side.  they curve and hug frozen bodies of water; small neighborhood lakes and grand bays. on each there are people dotting the ice with their fishing poles.  solitary figures making the most […]