double standards and marriage

a friend lets me know that he doesn’t want me to take this the wrong way, but he has a question.

“do you live at the beach?”

and i smile.

i wish.


another good friend told me recently that she loves me, but that i really need to back off in my parenting style.

i laughed out loud.

apparently, i like truth tellers.  people who call it like it is.  friends that don’t mince words and hold mirrors up to say, you really might want to think about this behavior.  sometimes they’re right, sometimes they’re just observant.

either way, i’m thankful.

so why is it so hard in marriage when the mirror is in your partner’s hands?

joshua can offer information about his take and because he is mine because he is me, ours, theirs – i hear the words like admonishment, criticism, rules i have to follow.

what if instead, he joins the ranks of my honest friends?

what if i say that sometimes he’s right, sometimes he’s observant – and that to offer information is just that, information.

important information.

not words that have to be interpreted by what they say about me.

no, no, no.

what do these words say about the one speaking?

am i strong enough to hear them?

don’t take this the wrong way but…

you know i love you but…

twenty years of marriage isn’t simple.

some people need twenty years to tell you something honest.

some people need twenty years before they can hear it.

lord, have mercy.

and more beaches, please.

and help me back off my teenagers, lord.

and help me to hear my husband with a healed up heart.

amen.

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