maybe i might love you

friends

maybe you’re like me.

maybe light has always hit friendship at a strange angle.

close

i’ve always looked for the true friend, the real friend, the friend i could trust no matter what.

and i’ve never found her.

i’m watching my daughter play in the yard with her newest friend. hours of play fly by like seconds and they say this over and over.

“we’re sisters. we’re twins. we’re twin sisters.”

everything the same. everything just like me.

girls

it is good not to be alone. when you’re a child you reason like a child. the hope and belief that you find someone who sees this world just exactly the same, it’s an intoxicating proposition.

part of me wants to pull my girl aside, keep her out of harm’s way.

“friendship is dangerous ground.” i want to whisper. “don’t hand over your heart too quickly. keep safe, child. keep safe.”

alone

because at some point you realize that the person you thought saw the world just like you doesn’t and all the earth becomes shaky ground. nothing abandons like a friend.

i’ve had friends lie and i’ve lied to friends.
i’ve had friends change the course of their lives and i’ve changed course on friends.
i’ve had friends tell my secrets and i’ve told the secrets of friends.

there is no perfect friend.

just human beings wrapped in all their troubles and all their glory. just people who mess up and say their sorry. or not.

but peter and jesus met up on the beach. after god had been left high and dry by 12 of his closest friends, they sat on the shore and built a fire.

jesus seems to believe that friendship is stronger than death.

child's play

i don’t why he thinks that.

why he believes that you lay down your life for your friends. that brother and sister, mother and father, are those who hear his voice and do what he says, not flesh and blood.

god has a strong redefinition of relationship for us and friendship is nearly front and center.

i don’t know why he thinks that.

but if i’ve believed anything he’s said – i’ll believe this part, too.

maybe i might

so i’m sorry my friend.

i’m sorry if i’ve hurt you and neglected you. i’m sorry if i abused your trust. let’s meet at the beach and swim to the sand bar. we can stand there and i want to hear your heart and tell you mine.

let’s trust the great god of friendship. let’s talk through the moments that we didn’t think we’d speak of.  let’s cry and pray and laugh and talk some more.

and on that day when one of us has abandoned this old world entirely, let’s remember how peter jumped into the lake when he saw his risen friend.

let’s believe that friendship is stronger than death. and as we grieve, let’s not forget that all our conversations will pick up right where they left off.

 

repost from the archives…

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12 Responses to maybe i might love you

  1. zena says:

    oh j man…

  2. Anonymous says:

    Crying also. I want to go to there.

  3. jamica says:

    friendship has always been hard for me…always keeping people at an arm’s length, too scared to trust and i fear that for my own kids, that they will have the same troubles i do. but i don’t want them to be me. and i don’t want to protect them too much from friendship b/c even though it’s hard sometimes, it is great and amazing…i hope that they are much stronger than me.

    thank YOU for being a friend…i’ll go out with you to the sand bar anytime:)

  4. Annamame says:

    Love this.

  5. Stacey Peckens says:

    Through it all, I will always call you my friend.

  6. zena says:

    writing this post has made me feel rich today. i am encouraged to take the risk of friendship – i hope the same for you.

    thanks for sharing your thoughts, friends.

    – zena

  7. Jasmine says:

    I want to go there, but it’s hard.

  8. zena says:

    hey jasmine,

    you’re right. it is hard. too hard for the likes of me…only in him. only in the lord do i have confidence in friendship because i’m going to need a soft place to land for the times when things go south.

    it sounds like you’ve know the abandoning of a friend…but there is another that stays closer.

    love to you,
    zena

  9. marlece says:

    Friendship is the one of the biggest things the Lord has blessed me with in this world. I love this post, I love friendship and I do believe the Lord had few ‘good’ close intimate friends but he kept them very close and loved them so well. I love this about Him, He is a good friend.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I was there for you. You left.

  11. zena says:

    exactly my point anonymous – i’m not claiming to be a perfect friend…are you? if you would like to talk to me with your name and everything, i’d welcome it.

    ~ zena

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