april showers

pink
there’s this part in the bible.  i think it’s in the old testament somewhere.  it’s god talking to his people.  he says that when they get to the promise land, when they get everything they want – even more than they ever knew they’d possess, that they shouldn’t forget about god or he’d take it all away.

i always liked that part.  it seemed like a definite.

god wouldn’t be able to say that.  he wouldn’t be able to say that he’d take it all away unless he was going to give it.

fence

so i guess i’ve always believed that god was going to be generous towards me.  he as much as said so.  and i, well, i guess i’ve gotten used to being a well-loved child of god.

even when the times were bad.  even when they sucked and i had to pray to make it through an hour.  even then.  i knew that a promised land would be reached and it would be so good that it would tempt me to forget about god.

i looked forward to it.

shadow

recently i did just that.

i forgot all about how far god has brought me and what he has given to me.  it didn’t feel like i had, but if i were honest, i wasn’t feeling much of anything towards god.

that’s not true when you’re in the desert.  you feel.  you don’t forget god.  you need him. you pester him.  there’s no getting out without him.

i haven’t been there in a little while so i just kind of got used to having everything i wanted when i wanted it.  he warned me that i would.  but still it came as a surprise.

how short-sighted i am and how easily satisfied.  a beautiful flower in may makes me forget my troubles.  i’d forgotten how far into the future god sees.  just how far reaching the choices i make are.  i’d forgotten how the law of the universe is that you reap what you sow.  i’d forgotten so quickly.

and then i remembered.

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