october reminds me of summer
the summer was good.
yes, i’m still thinking about summer. i still am processing that it’s over.
we looked out the windows this morning and frost was holding fast to the top of the car, to the clover on the yard. the heat has been kicking on. abraham pulled out his electric blanket a couple of nights ago.
fall is upon us but still i’m recalling sunny days on the sand.
i’ve been thinking about smiling lately.
i tend to think too much and smile not as often. i heard that mother teresa would dismiss any who wanted to work with her if they didn’t begin to smile regularly after living with her for a few weeks.
i would have been dismissed.
i sat a bible study the other day and the person next to me couldn’t not smile. their face was a beam. i sat with brow furrowed next to them and thought about that too much. i chastised myself internally that i don’t have a smile at the ready.
we recently moved down the street from a large lake. when i go for groceries or to the gas station, there’s a high likelihood that i’ll pass it as i drive.
when i left the bible study i did just that. i drove down a street and the houses gave way to water. a wide open space that sings back to the wide open space in every man, woman and child.
and i realized i was smiling.
not engineered or thought about. just a response to what makes me happy. apparently i like what i like and i’m way too hard on myself.
i had a conversation on a beach one night about wide open spaces.
it was a couple of days after the eclipse and the moon was startling and demanding to be worshipped. my friend had bought an extremely good bottle of wine – and us, the three of us – talked about the human soul.
how the shoreline speaks of separation from something larger. how our insides cry for connection. how filled up we become near it. how we look forward to transcending the limits we’re confined by and be reunited with all of creation.
so yeah, i’m still saying goodbye to summer.
i’m still trying to seek it while it can be found, a little in vain i realize, but denial has its uses.
luckily though i really love fall, too.