when it doesn’t snow

spray snowi’m walking across the wooden floor and grime comes with me.  there is dirt under my red slippers.  boots, kicked off on a towel also dirty, lay on their side with mud caked on.

there is no snow to play in this year.

no soft white quiet to cover the whole mess of the earth for a little while.

it’s a muddy christmas.

bottom

agnes

my kids are getting older and i feel the slip of their days.  i try to hold them closer and they tug away.

they say what i wouldn’t want them to say.  they do what i hoped they wouldn’t.  i start to wonder what exactly went wrong and when.  how much is my fault and what can i start to fix today?

it’s christmas eve and the sky is grey.

no flakes falling into a blanket to shhh the world into peace tonight.

charlie brown

i bring out a bag of pine cones and we cut up paper squares.

abe just wants to spray the can of snow.  mazzy carefully glues her ornaments on.  eleanor is on her second cone.

we concentrate together.  we laugh and take turns.  then we take it all outside.

we shake the can in our pajamas and more snow than we anticipate covers our work and ella’s hands and the muddy, wet ground underneath us.

snowo christmas treeoh christmas tree

sometimes you have to make it yourself.

christmas can come together to be more beautiful than you can stand.

you’re going to have to cover your face like children hiding their eyes.

somehow the small, imperfect efforts of our lives are going to shine and be greater than the sum of their parts.

grace and peace to you this christmas.

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