there is a prayer and it goes this way;
“lord, i do not feel like i used to feel.”
it doesn’t worry god too terribly much though.
because god’s not interested in “used to.” not one little bit.
god is always, “look! see! i’m doing a new thing, do you not perceive it?!”
or at least new-ish.
this autumn, the cool nights and the changing leaves, this is brand new. fall 2014 has never been here before. but all the autumn days prior have landed us down in these days.
god is new, but not unheard of.
we’ve been here before, lord.
where i feel far from you.
that is not new.
but it’s new in that i have peace, perfect peace, that you will find me.
i’ve been here before where i’m changing my days, making choices that set me in your path.
that’s not so new.
but it is new because i have no faith in my ambition, my words or my efforts to bring you closer here.
you alone are god this time.
i alone am lightless.
together though…together we might just be on to something.
together you alone are still god, but in your love, i reflect light and it’s by your grace that i have depth at all.