when i am not enough
prayer books assume a lot.
they take for granted that a body needs to take time to pray at least three times a day.
i’m being towed up on a line. i am mentally preparing myself to tube down a ski hill. when i do, the first few seconds feel like a really bad decision. the learning curve is steep, but the brain catches up and i know that i’m not going to die and then it’s kind of fun.
but what i really like is the perspective.
i watch the people get little and the sky get big.
i’m ascending without effort and it changes the way i think, the way i breathe.
prayer books assume that one day is enough to wipe a person out.
they ask for grace just for the morning. then at midday they ask again. when the stars make their way out, prayer books pray for a peaceful night of sleep.
they start out from a place of need. it’s page after page written from a place of empty needing to be filled.
prayer books may be on to something.
i need perspective to remember that this day has a beginning, a middle and an end.
i need a tow rope to pull me up and out of what each day holds.
i’m trying not to be afraid of that.
i’m trying to embrace that a day can bring more than i can bear and that i just might need to pray to begin this day with joy and end it in deeper love of my brothers and sisters.
i need to open books and fly down hills that remind me that i am not enough.