when i am not enough



ella's coat

prayer books assume a lot.

they take for granted that a body needs to take time to pray at least three times a day.

at least.


i’m being towed up on a line.  i am mentally preparing myself to tube down a ski hill. when i do, the first few seconds feel like a really bad decision.  the learning curve is steep, but the brain catches up and i know that i’m not going to die and then it’s kind of fun.

sort of.

but what i really like is the perspective.

i watch the people get little and the sky get big.

i’m ascending without effort and it changes the way i think, the way i breathe.



prayer books assume that one day is enough to wipe a person out.

they ask for grace just for the morning.  then at midday they ask again.  when the stars make their way out, prayer books pray for a peaceful night of sleep.

they start out from a place of need.  it’s page after page written from a place of empty needing to be filled.

prayer books may be on to something.


i need perspective to remember that this day has a beginning, a middle and an end.

i need a tow rope to pull me up and out of what each day holds.

i’m trying not to be afraid of that.

i’m trying to embrace that a day can bring more than i can bear and that i just might need to pray to begin this day with joy and end it in deeper love of my brothers and sisters.

i need to open books and fly down hills that remind me that i am not enough.

4 replies on “ when i am not enough ”
  1. ooh girl. just what I needed today. thanks! (and where is this magical place that will tow you to the top of a tubing hill?? my least favorite part of sledding is the long march to the top!)

  2. Such thoughtful perspective! Thank you! So grateful that He is enough when I realize I am not. I can fall into His lovely fullness that fills and satisfies! Oh how I need You Jesus! Your words tend to make me see how blessed I am! I appreciate you, Zena! -Colleen

  3. It feels like every day I am in need of redemption from something I swore I was going to do right this time. I guess that’s why He came and it’s a gift that should be accepted…several times a day.

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