online competition and apple orchards


granny smith


when the if:gathering sold out in 42 minutes, it sort of threw me.

there are writers that i’ve come to enjoy online and some are promoting if:, so i decided i’d go.  the day before registration they opened it early to their email subscribers, so when the general public had a chance to register the next day, it was already sold out.


northern spy

the internet is filled with blogs and opinions and invisible empires.  i sat for a couple of days and felt like mommy blogs had become less about changing diapers and more about cliques and capitalism.

but what bothered me most was that i couldn’t find a way in.

so i took a drive instead.

the girls and i set out to pick apples.  i didn’t have quite enough gas or quite enough money, but something inside told me i needed to get into the real world to escape the anxiety i was feeling from the online world.

and it worked.




comparison steals happiness just like competition kills love.

i’m putting this blog down for a little while.

i believe that you like what i write and i wouldn’t do it if i didn’t enjoy it, but the good sometimes stands in the way of the better.

i want to write another book and i only have so many hours in day.  i may post here and there during this next season, but it’ll be pulling a dusty book off a shelf, not my daily go to – or yours.

ida red

the organizers of if: didn’t do anything wrong.  they’ve created a beautiful event that lots of women want to attend.  god has blessed it.

it’s me who’s wrong.

i’ve been focused on something that the internet likes to do.  it tricks the heart into feeling like it’s in relationship with people i don’t really know.  it tricks the ego into believing it has accomplished something that really i have not done.  it tricks me.

the real world is hard work.  but at least it’s real.

right here



gratitude list ~ one thousand gifts ~ 2215 – 2230

a husband who does dishes
pumpkin carving parties
hungry stomachs
uno by the fire
empty pie dishes
decorative gourds
worshipping jesus
public libraries
the goose getting fat
writing with shannyn
ella not sick
detroit, detroit, detroit
the faithfulness of god
painting the bathroom
real life

6 replies on “ online competition and apple orchards ”
  1. Can’t wait to catch up with you tomorrow…I’ve been feelin the same way about the online world!! Love and miss you friend!!:)

  2. Thanks, Zena. I battle similar feelings, sometimes hard to put into words. Even though internet relationships are built around the versions of ourselves we’re willing to reveal, I feel like I do *really* know some of the people whose blogs I read (you, for example), because they paint with words so well, their hearts blaze on the page. But when the bloggerhood begins to feel like junior high, and this particular group is the cool kids, and even though their words say “welcome” the game still feels locked, I just want to walk away. I want to be still, and look deep into the eyes of these beautiful flesh-and-blood gifts all around me, and remember what matters.

    So, good for you. Real sunshine. Real apple juice running down your chins. Real memories with your very real children. You aren’t “left out.” Game’s wide open, and you are the welcome inviting your world in. And when something in your real world begs to have words wrapped around it? Then please take the time to share. The way you see is a gift that speaks to the deep places in my soul.

    Love to you.

  3. I would love to hang out with you! Lord willing, that day will come.

    Thanks so much for the link. I look forward to listening and soaking in the wisdom of a radiant heart.

    Much love to you today. xo

  4. It’s unfair of someone like me to be disappointed when you make this type of decision. I want to hear more of your words but I don’t want you to hear mine. I promise they are no where near as elegant yours and I’m too intimidated to share with you what you want to hear. I’m sorry for that and I will miss your words and thoughts during this hiatus.

  5. So well said….I really enjoy every little spurt of thought that you share. I can also relate to your feelings. I do go through times of needing to re-focus on the true, the real, and the whatever’s in-the-flesh-and-blood-world…. raw, in your face , but at the same time, it’s enough! (we must all deal with this dichotomy yet likeness of these two worlds, huh? and what to do?) Thank you for being honest to yourself and with us. I appreciate you! Enjoy the brilliance of color in our “high-five state”! hugs! Colleen

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