i’ve watched and waited for the anxious in him. he’s not one to worry. hurry doesn’t sound like a good idea. he thinks about what to do and lets time shake a few things out before moving forward.
when we talked of a third child his biggest, best reason, was more love. he was right. she is the heart we needed that we wouldn’t have known. she beats with us, keeping time to love we can’t do without.
he reads a book most all of the time. he has read too much and has had to go to the poem now. he’s far, far ahead of us in beauty. i think we see the same things in front of us, but we don’t.
he told me one time that it feels good just to be alive.
he sat still and demonstrated. he invited me to join him. i did. i sat and felt the small hum under my skin and breathed.
he was right.
it does feel good to just exist. life is a gift he recognizes, unwraps and says thank you for.
when a friend asks me, ‘how’s josh?’ i stammer around not knowing how to answer for the man that i’ve become one with over and over again. i feel like i love him less because i can’t think a thought without him.
what do you mean how is josh? have i not been sitting with you here? haven’t you heard me speak about the life i’m living? don’t you see our children smiling and talking polite in your direction? did you like the coffee i’ve made for you?
this is how my husband is.
this is how he is.