enough already

yes

i kind of can’t take myself anymore.

i’ve been so gloomy and morose and guttural on this blog as of late.  well, i don’t know if one can actually be guttural, but it seems fitting.

i have good things.  my life is good.  that used to be the name of this blog before i changed it to considerate neighbor.  my life is good.  it served as a reminder to me.

how is it that i’ve forgotten it yet again?  this whole church planting business has been hard – but geez louise.

i’m such an amateur.

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i went out to lunch with my sister.

okay, she’s my husband’s sister – but sometimes i like to pretend she is my actual sister. we went to mudgie’s and we both ordered the poet stout.  then we both gave each other a little perspective.

i asked the question – why is it so damn easy to dismiss the good in your own life?  to literally not be able to see it.  it disappears.  it can’t be found.

she said everyone, everywhere deals with it.  that it’s the human problem.

is it?  i asked.  is that the human problem?

maybe it is.

i need to tie an anvil to each foot.  i need all the help i can get to be present.  to remain. to open my eyes to the good and stop wanting for something else elsewhere.

i’m not quite sure this attitude will last, but hopefully it will stick around long enough for me to count my blessings with a sincere heart.

thanks for putting up with me.

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gratitude journal ~ one thousand gifts ~ 1907 – 1920

good friends
time
a pastor friend of mine
ella throwing a fit
breaking bad
elizabeth
a nice husband
the megaflu
chocolate
the purple rose theater
chazzano coffee (just go here and get some coffee)
writing letters
a life
detroit

4 replies on “ enough already ”
  1. you took the words right out of my mouth! sometimes it’s so hard to just stop and realize the good in your life and that you are just wasting time trying to look for that something…whatever the hell that “something” is!! to be present is difficult but i’m in need of that reminder to be present everyday! love you zena! thnx for pouring your heart out! xo

  2. thanks jamica.

    i love you, too.

    let’s help each other tie our anvils on. i’ve heard they can be tough to lace up.

    ~ z

  3. She’s right. That’s what Ann said, that the root of sin is the absence of Eucharisteo.
    But.
    The fact that you are willing to suffer here makes me feel less alone. Please don’t stop the honesty.
    The lament is real, and the things to be thankful for are real, and we need them all.

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