i wonder if you could speak up

we talk about god speaking to us. i heard god say this or that. i’m not immune to this type of language or the experience, but lately i’m wondering if he could speak up.

then there is the thought that god is always speaking. through circumstances, through people, through his own still, small voice, through his word. and then i feel lazy or self-focused, unable to life my head from my navel long enough to read the writing on the wall.

but i don’t know. could it be that sometimes god is quiet? does he have to dominate every conversation? maybe he settles in and watches, waits. not uninvolved, but waiting for us to notice the lack of his voice.

maybe.

it’s not always simple to believe that god is good. i open the psalms and see these words – “give thanks to the lord for he is good, his love endures forever.” – and then commands to sing, to shout out, to tell others – and the fuel?

remembering.

and so maybe i will. maybe i’ll sit a spell and remember the great works of the invisible god.

i did not know him. i was as good as dead and he found me.

i met people who loved him and put up with me. they loved me. they welcomed me in.

he pulled me out of holes so deep and dark that i thought they were light. he put my feet on solid ground and held me upright until i could stand.

he held my hands out in front of me and explained which one was right and which one was left.

the elders of the church placed their hands upon me and prayed. they called out the gifts god had placed in me and when the holy spirit came, i cried and cried.

i cried like a newborn baby.

and he tended to me. he dried my tears. he fed me. he told me the truth and called me on my lies. he fathered me.

so quiet god, i haven’t forgotten.

but maybe it takes your silence to make me remember.

to remember all that you have done in me.

my life is in you. i will wait for the words you will speak next. i will sit close and point out your goodness in the land of the living.

One thought on “i wonder if you could speak up

  1. This post reminds me of a song by Sara Groves called “Hello Lord”
    “Hello Lord, it’s me your child. I have a few things on my mind. Right now I’m faced with big decisions, and I’m wondering if you have a minute. . Chorus: Right now I don’t hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up. I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with you in person and hear what you’re saying, but right now, I just can’t hear you. . I don’t doubt your sovereignty, I doubt my own ability to hear what you’re saying and to do the right thing, and I desperately want to do the right thing. . Chorus . Somewhere in the back of my mind I think you are telling me to wait, and though patience has never been mine, Lord I will wait to hear from you. . ”
    This song has always spoke to me because I am not good at waiting and listening. Although, I am getting a little better. 🙂

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