i am a traitor to jesus christ

the past two weeks have blurred into a smear of time.

i am busy and i park the van and walk fast into the house.  my iphone falls out of my pocket and drops onto the cement.

it shatters instantly.

the glass looks like a spider’s web.  i am rushing.  i’m not present.  it just fell out of my pocket and i when i pick it up, the glass stays put.  it’s broken but intact.

i call att.  i call apple.  i look up phones on ebay.

i realize quickly that i’ve lost sight of what an expensive phone i carry around.  i shove it into the pocket of my hoodie without thinking and even when it lays there broken at my feet, i still don’t know how much it’s worth.

my faith is a little like that right now.  a costly thing i carry absent-mindedly.

i put it in a loose pocket where it could slip and shatter.  but i don’t care.  it’s a risk i’m willing to take.  seems i take it for granted so much so that i can mistake true faith for a tracfone and say one is no different from the other.

but that’s not true.

one costs hundreds of dollars and the other i can buy at the dollar store.

i said in my last post that it doesn’t matter how love’s recovery begins – and that’s not true either.

when thinking about connecticut i wanted a way for people to stop and think.  i wanted to get people thinking about teaching their children to love each other.  every major religion teaches us to love each other, right?  so i said just do something.  just go pray somewhere – for god’s sake, do something to remember the value of a human life.

but i was wrong.

“the calling of a new testament believer is to uncover sin and to reveal jesus christ as savior, consequently he cannot be poetical, he must be sternly surgical.  we are sent by god to lift up jesus, not to give wonderfully beautiful discourses.”

~ oswald chambers

following jesus isn’t a religion.

joshua likes to say the kingdom of god is where time itself runs backwards and death is overthrown.  i don’t even quite know what he means, but i’ll take it.  i appreciate a god who exists outside of time.  especially times like now when i make a mistake or write the wrong thing.  i appreciate being forgiven and i’m glad that there is someone who can go backwards.

after the flood, after all the waters receded, god put a rainbow in the sky as a sign that he wouldn’t do it again.

the truth is that i can’t suggest anyone go looking for love in any other place besides jesus christ, because he’s the only one out there who drowns the old man.  he drowns the man apart from jesus who is unable to love, the man who can walk into a school and shoot a child.  jesus is the only one who holds the killer in me underwater – the only one out there that raises me up new and gives me his own spirit so that i can love.

he’s the only one.

7 replies on “ i am a traitor to jesus christ ”
  1. I know that with all the effort and preaching in the world, we shall never bring more to Christ than Christ has had given to Him by His Father!

    C.H. Spurgeon

  2. The thing is, I want it to be the other way, in a way…so the door will open wider…so more people will pour in. I think about this as I watch Life of Pi or read a blog post about a woman in Syria…a Muslim woman w/ peace. And it’s hard to draw lines, and it’s not really for me to do…except I don’t want to see anyone deceived. It’s not so much about hell (which I pretty much refuse to discuss) as about missing Jesus…not knowing Him in all His kindness and splendor. He has been so patient w/ me.

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