i like that you’re quiet

we’re watching the fire.  free firewood from the apple orchard.  my mother gardens with a woman who owns it.  come and take as much as you want.

when we sat down at the restaurant and started to talk it wasn’t easy.  i had to remember that the words that come out of the mouth come straight from the heart.  i wanted to repair and not tear down.  i wanted to be like jesus in a small bar in detroit.

and so did he.

marriage is a little like a brilliant fall day.  the color so glorious, the sky pristine blue.

but step into the shadows and the edge in the wind makes you draw your too thin coat close and wonder why you’re out here.  sometimes we stay too long in the shadows.

i lean against him and he prays while the fire burns through everything that’s been given to us – warmth and light, all for free.

i watch the flames and hear his voice as he implores the invisible god on behalf of our marriage, our children, our friends and it comes to me then.

could it be that all the problems, the arguing, the mistrust and the hurt.  in friendship, in love; who knows how far it reaches.  could it be that it all comes down to these three words – “i miss you.”

i miss you when you’re so busy.  i miss you when you are at work.  i miss you and i think of that day when we walked together, friend.  when you and i talked and we laughed. when we had days and nights of time to pour out on each other like oil and it healed us, the time made us better.

i miss you.

love is spelled t-i-m-e.

every child knows that.  but grown-ups forget and blame and the heart can hold a grudge for a long, long time.  but right now i’m holding you.  i’m holding your face and i’m looking into your eyes.  i’m right here and so are you.

3 replies on “ i like that you’re quiet ”
  1. In response to your post this spilled out on paper. I loved the tangible images your post painted. Thanks,

    A thousand losses everyday
    Wrenching against my heart
    Until I’m so torn down and ragged edged

    And it’s in my perceptions
    My understanding of reality
    Where it hurts the most

    I can’t talk this away
    This is true and real and no amount
    Of pep talking will numb the grinding
    Truth of it

    It hurts
    And it will hurt
    But one day, one moment
    In the future
    I’ll be okay

  2. So good, Zena! As always, love your words on marriage! So happy you and josh had a night out together!! Neal and I had our own lil night of connection the other night and it felt so good…we’ve been so busy lately and we miss each other. Love is time…yes it is, my friend:)

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