a closer walk with thee

how long is one required to walk by faith and not by sight?

it can seem too long sometimes.  when the shadows fall so harsh because the autumn sunlight is so bright, i shade my eyes and feel like i can’t see a thing.  there is just color and looking away.

i am coming to see that much of faith is just not giving up.

but what about when i want to?

what about when it all feels foolish and a waste of time?  why shouldn’t i give up when there are easier ways to spend my days?

god knows me too well.  in jeremiah he tells the remnant that they have to stay in the land.  they have to remain where he has brought them and they can’t have their hearts set on getting to a more peaceful, prosperous place.  he tells them if they refuse and they go anyway, that the things they fear will happen to them there.

i always imagine life elsewhere will be better.

i can believe life without god sounds like the easier road.

when they built the tower of babel they thought they could reach heaven on their own. and i do, too.  i don’t like having to remain.  i don’t want to live my days always hoping for what i cannot see.  it’s hard to never quite know why you’re doing what you’re doing.

but it’s not about me.  and it is.

it’s about god and his love for me.  if i run towards a life that doesn’t make me call out to him in desperation, for help, for understanding – than i do life on my own.  and he loves me too much to let me go that wide way.  or at least he hasn’t let me go yet.

he makes a lot of promises for those who stay.  for those who remain in the tension where they’d rather not be.  he says safety, deliverance, mercy, fears coming to nothing – let me show you i am god here in this place you think you can’t stay in.  let me show you.

gratitude journal ~ one thousand gifts ~ 1686 – 1707

roasting marshmallows in the fireplace
detroiters who love detroit
trampoline taken down, waiting for spring
laurel talking me through pain
bastone
joshua and abe going door to door
sabbath
sherlock holmes
john first to arrive
castles in colorado
two days with abraham
sunday dinner
miss marple
autumn sunlight
prayers for a place
hopeless romantics
shwarma with eli
new journals
laughing with jenny
the peckens family
my neighbors
free firewood

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