i say it’s for my children. i say i’m doing this for them.
we walk up onstage and they pray for us. our life is an illustration, a sign post towards something else. always pointing past us. it’s about mission, it’s about evangelism. it’s about jesus.
it’s not about us.
but what of this girl and her hair hanging down brushed out from tangles? this one, her first week back in school and our son soon to be taller than me? if i embrace insignificance, if i embrace a life that is about being a sign to something else – what does that mean for them? and is that fair? how will it affect their lives?
but there are truer questions. starting with this one.
what about me?
i noticed some time back that people say they make their decisions for the good of their children. that they hold dreams they’d like to move into with their children at the helm.
“we had to buy this wooded lot for the children. they had to grow up here.”
“we had to end our ministry for the health of our children.”
let’s just tell the truth. its about me. it’s about the grown ups. i don’t want to embrace ministry because it will make me insignificant, not my kids. better to tell it like it is.
“i moved out of the city because i wanted to.”
“i stopped leading a church for the sake of me, myself and i.”
“i bought the house with the amazing school district for me!”
so what do we really give our kids? what lesson do they learn as we make all our selfless choices “for them?”
i don’t like feeling insignificant. it eats at me like termites until the house i call zena is about to collapse from the inside out. and i guess that’s the point.
The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says “Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don’t want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked—the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.”
~ CS Lewis; Mere Christianity
gratitude list ~ one thousand gifts ~ 1668 – 1685
candles on the table
we are weak, but he is strong
doris in the kitchen
josh handing out flyers
praying on the couch
jenny so kind
laurel in scrubs
john in his pirate shirt
neal and jamica
first stop candy shop
lori telling tess stories
the martin’s new house