“are you willing to give up your other passions so that people can hear about jesus?”
well wouldn’t you know it. i thought there for a while that there was no further to go.
i knew that when i bowed my head that one morning in our kitchen and prayed, “god, do whatever you want to with this family,” i knew that things changed. life slipped a bit and that those words, that prayer, meant there would be a reckoning.
but i didn’t know. not really.
there are dreams i’ve had for my life and i’m not sure anymore that i get to keep a one. zena, wonderful mom. zena, talented writer.
what if even the things i hold most dear get a backseat to this:
this might be what god has in mind. and like moving into the city, i’m just not terribly good at it. backed by the very sure knowledge that no one wants to hear it. but again the spirit pulling forward saying that isn’t the point.
being told no. getting comfortable with the awkward. the very awkward. being disregarded – all for the hope of what? good question. heaven? right now? good old fashioned revival? people praying the prayer?
to obey you, lord.
to do what you do, jesus.
to seek out those who do not know they are loved and say, “i love you.”
heart on our sleeves, agendas thrown out, just getting over ourselves to meet up with what god is doing. this is going to hurt, but i have faith. at least, i think i do.
i can’t believe jesus uses my small attempts. in fact, i don’t believe.
so lord, help my unbelief that anything of my faith could translate to someone else. prove me wrong and let me be a part of the ability you have to draw people to yourself.