on being loyal

i remember driving along and praying for the interaction i was about to have.  i prayed for patience and the ability to hear god.  i prayed that she would see jesus and that i would be kind.

and then i had to laugh.

i’d been praying this way for years.  on the way to here or there, asking god to bless it right before arriving.  remembering sometimes in the midst of the conversations that i was representing god and kicking myself when i forgot.

i had to laugh.

it came quiet and it was the lord.

“if you aren’t these things now, praying about them in the car right before you get there isn’t going to help much.”

right.

right you are.

if i don’t resemble the person of jesus when i turn the key in the ignition, i won’t resemble the person of jesus when i walk up the steps.  a relationship with jesus starts in the secret, in the quiet.  it happens on your knees, alone and wrestling with where it all went wrong.  if jesus is only a word on my lips in public, then i’ve got a long way to go.

so it’s another day.  and there’s the bible and there’s the thin air to speak into.  there’s the world so beautiful right outside my window and there’s the person i don’t know so well yet.  and there’s my family and there’s the things i have to do and the things i want to do.

and there’s jesus.  there he is.  and i can start by saying thank you, i guess.  i can start with remembering the blessings.

somehow naming what’s good and living in answered prayers humbles me.  instead of feeling superior, being in a real relationship with jesus humbles me.  i almost can’t believe how good he is.

gratitude list ~ one thousand gifts ~ 1053 – 1065

rapunzel cat
living room camp out
reading
husband
allie’s belly
mazzy in snow pants
honest conversation
traveling on friday
due diligence
theatre connections
trying another way
john and z’s home
needing less

4 thoughts on “on being loyal

  1. That’s humbling. That’s a good word, Zena. Thank you for writing about Jesus.
    By the way, I smelled that Burt’s Bee’s stuff and it smells sooo good.

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