saving my life to lose it

“let’s cross the lake.”

it was his idea and so the twelve got on board – the sailing was smooth until it wasn’t.

he’s telling me the most likely entry points for a thief and highlighting the wonders of motion detectors. the nice man describes the panic feature on the key pad, just in case someone was inside holding us hostage.

a storm kicked up and water poured in the boat. they were going to drown. jesus was asleep and so they go to him with all their fear and rouse him with the greatest panic call there is,

“we’re going to die!”

josh and i look at each other across the table and tell the truth. our fears spill toxic, we put the words out there, become known and we wake up the lord. we tell him what we’re afraid of and it boils down to that one greatest fear,

“what if i lose my life?”

the wind quiets to silence and he calms the waters. jesus could sleep in the storm because he knew he was safe – even if they went down. he knew he was safe in god’s world.

we imagine that life preservers are the only life – but the last time i checked, everyone’s final act is still crossing on through death’s door.

“why can’t you trust me?”

if i could trust christ and lose my life – to believe that he’s still god on the other side of the grave, if i could go down with the ship because of my captain, well maybe then i could live differently on this side of the great hereafter? maybe i could trust him? finally? completely?

i could give away my life to find it, to find peace. to find that elusive life i sing about on sunday mornings. the eternal life that starts right now.

2 replies on “ saving my life to lose it ”
  1. ha!

    i miss you.

    we are going to get the system…i think. who knows…you need the internet for it and ours has yet to be up and running. i’m currently replying to your comment at starbucks 🙂

    love,
    z

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.