a beautiful life

i’m waking up this monday on shaky ground.  i’m going to drink this cup.  this cup of coffee and make the hungry children breakfast.  i’m going to feel small.  i’m going to remember the big picture.  i remember that my life has meaning where he says it has meaning.

contrary to popular opinion, god is not subtle.  he’s not in the details.  he’s blaring out his glory and his message and on the lips of most everyone i meet in one way or another; whether they know it or not.  he repeats his mind to me over and over again until i sit speechless, faced with what he’s trying to say, trying to communicate.

“you’ve got it all wrong.”

again.

how is it that getting it wrong brings wholeness?  it brings the hard sigh of relief of why things aren’t working.  and it brings the challenge of rising to knee-level to say –

“oh god…i’m sorry.  i thought i had it right.”

i lose the plot so often, so easily, that i’m not sure how god trusts me with anything.  my family, my friends, the church, the hurting – i don’t know.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the lord my refuge;
that I may tell of all your deeds.

psalm 73:28

it’s good for me to be at this place.  it’s better for me to get it wrong because from this place, this not-god place, i can see him.  and it’s only when i see him that i can follow.

gratitude list ~ one thousand gifts ~ 606 – 617

another bid on a house (maybe this time?)
really hard pilates class
may flowers
neighbors who lend cars
husbands who design web sites
friends who are lawyers
that i am not my own
getting ready for church
a three year old
telephone calls that clarify
husbands with truth coming out of their mouths
being wrong

2 replies on “ a beautiful life ”
  1. I love the new look of your blog, so cute. After we talked on Saturday, I started to think about if my holy roller childhood effected my adult life. It did, some bad, but mostly good. Prayer is everyday language for me, It’s not a once or twice a day thing, but an all day conversation, I’ve been having this conversation for at least 30 years. Jesus and I have history. Also my capacity for faith seems large. When your parents live on the edge you see big amazing things. That grows your faith. So the good out weighs the bad.

  2. thanks jess.

    i appreciate you, your holy roller childhood and anything else you want to bring to the table.

    ~zena

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