unexpected

easter is sixteen days away.

easter gets the short end of the holiday stick in my life.  or at least, it has.

christmas and easter were jesus-less for me growing up.  christmas has each year steady become full.  there is something in the early, dark that shuts the cold out and the heat and the tree speak holy, holy, holy as soon as we close our coats in the closets.  low lights burn and singing songs of the redemption child come easier and easier.

easter.  not so much.  today i threw three chocolate bunnies, plastic grass and reeses eggs in my shopping basket.  my internal sharpie checked easter off the list.  really.  yeah…not so holy.

it seems hard.  but it must not be.  there is a lot of new life out there.  it’s making our hearts bloom to see the crocuses.  eleanor runs to them as we get her out of the van.

“see the flowers?”  she asks with hope.

missing chances to put his life into ours, we wonder why our children don’t value rightly.  at least, i wonder.  creative is as creative does.  i know what i got to do.  cross molds.  chocolate crosses.  next to chocolate bunnies?  ah.  eh.  blah.

sigh.  i don’t know what to think.  i think i’ll just have to read the story.  we’ll read the story and we’ll recreate a garden out in back.  we’ll buy plants and construct a cross.  we’ll go all out.  we’ll light candles the night before easter morning and while the boy, while the girls dream, their father and i will go out and find the stone rolled away.  or actually, we’ll roll it away.

when they wake up, we’ll all run for the garden instead of the chocolate.  chocolate will be there, too.  but who cares about chocolate after all that togetherness?  after all that effort?  after all that learning?

i don’t know.

but maybe i’ll try.  maybe i will try.

it’s been a while since i added to my 1,000 things to say thank you for.  i’m going to just pick up where i left off.  and you?  are you endeavoring to join me?

51. my massage from beth

52. being brave

53. graeters ice cream

54. dave & jody nixon

55. coming home after retreat

56. crying

57. my mother in law

58. three children

59. henri nouwen

60. to wake and realize i’m wrong

61. snow days

62. going grocery shopping – alone

63. that forgiveness is more powerful than punishment

64. for friends i haven’t met yet

65. hearing abe come downstairs

66. easter

67. spending time on family

68. the book of job

69. my friend, karen, who has known me long and loves me

70. silence

71. aldi’s

72. detroit and all its possibilities

73. something to look forward to

74. all three in zipped up footie pajamas

75. sleepy morning kisses

76. raking last years leaves out of the beds to find hidden green growth

77. the last of winter sunshine

78. pancakes

79. that everyone has a story

80. being intentional

81. brother and sisters claiming the backyard

82. sun beckoning irresistible

83. red roses

84. cleaning out the coffee pot

85. wedding rings

86. cold air

87. realizing that i may be too comfortable after all

88. silliness

89. that you move before me, lord, and i do not see you

90. mothers celebrating sixty years

91. that i can love instead of demanding love

92. when the words speak

93. flowerdale street

94. that we can fear the lord and wait for his kindness

95. antibiotics

96. soup and bread from scratch

97. newborns and their ability to destroy order

98. that god has other plans for me everyday

99. stopping to eat at the park in the snow

100. dreams in the night that point to the truth

that’s what i’m saying thank you for as of late.  joshua is pulling up in a borrowed car.  time to go stand in front of the stove and feed a deserving family.

~z

1 reply on “ unexpected ”
  1. thanks, z. i love you so very much, and am so very very thankful for you.
    i hear you on the easter thing. trying to figure that one out myself. it’s our high holy day, and yet i do nothing but hide plastic eggs with candy in them. something is very wrong with that.

    -aggie

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