the doctor comes for the sick

yesterday, i got some good news and i got some bad news.

the good news is that god is still god. the bad news is that i’m still blind and deaf. i have no eyes to see, i have no ears to hear. i still grope my way in darkness, self reliant to the core.

unredeemed, our human nature goes it alone. when simon had the cross laid upon him as jesus was unable to carry it, how do you think jesus felt about that? was he upset? was he embarrassed? or did he breathe a sigh of relief that there was another who did what he couldn’t so that the final work would be done?

among the ways pride steals my life, is that i imagine i have to keep most of the balls in the air.

that is pride. that is not life.

the deeper we walk into the life jesus is living on earth right now, the balls one attempts to toss and catch are less like juggler’s bean bags and more like bowling balls. one wrong move and somebody might get hurt. it’s time to let them fall.

turning towards the one that is beside me tightrope walking on stilts, singing all the while, juggling knives, swallowing fire and wielding a wrecking ball that swings out from his heart to demolish the empire and religious establishments and any other thing that denies life and tells us there is only death.

he’s the juggler. he’s the one with the carnival heart.

not me. never has been. never will be.

so if someone else comes along, if someone else has a part to play, the ringmaster is able. and i can lay down all my weapons and see that he is god. he alone.

“come! behold the deeds of the lord,
the astounding things he has wrought on the earth;
he has stopped wars to the end of the earth;
the bow he breaks; he splinters the spears;
he burns the shields with fire.
desist! and confess that i am god,
exalted among the nations, exalted upon the earth.”
– psalm 46:8 – 10

which wars am i raging? at work, at home – wherever. can i desist and confess that he is god and stop proclaiming that i am?

help me lord,

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