what i have written lately...

twentymoon

twentymoon

apparently twenty years isn’t very long. when i was young a month seemed never ending and a year felt so vast that it couldn’t be conceived. but tomorrow joshua and i will have been married for twenty years.  somehow it doesn’t feel like very much […]

175 years isn’t enough

175 years isn’t enough

pain doesn’t like to be looked at straight on.  it’ll distract and deflect and will look in any direction except back into your eyes. that’s what that judge was doing.  she forced pain to sit down in a chair and held its face forward, refusing […]

decisions, decisions

decisions, decisions

i’m trying to figure it out. i’m trying to understand what i’m supposed to do. am i supposed to lead?  am i supposed to write?  am i supposed to interpret? most likely its all of the above. and mother. and wife. deep breath. there is […]

seasonal heart

seasonal heart

these days of muted light feel just about right. sometimes my heart feels wide open, easily accessible, like the bright blue. but not lately. no, when the sun gets further away, a thin sheet of ice weathered from the events and circumstances of the year […]

frozen in time

frozen in time

the skin on my fingers starts to burn. being outdoors these past few days is a little like the lies i tell myself.  they seem like good ideas.  they can’t possibly be that dangerous. my boots step onto the snow but it doesn’t feel like […]

lack of love and the holidays

lack of love and the holidays

maybe your family tree is a little bit of a thicket.  a gnarled bramble of fallen and crisscrossed limbs and branches.  the holidays approaching might tick towards you like an unstoppable hour and put your origin story front in center in your mind. just how […]

slay trick or you get eliminated

slay trick or you get eliminated

this summer there was internet buzz over the near eradication of down syndrome in iceland.  people wrote articles against eugenics and disability.  and i agree, it is terrible, right?  deciding that your child probably shouldn’t live because they may have down syndrome?  i mean, geez louise. mazzy wasn’t too concerned […]

raspberry beret

raspberry beret

a funny thing kept happening as we walked alone in rows of raspberries.  every spot we stopped to pick there would be a better one directly across the way. each time the very next row would hold larger berries, branches with fruit threatening to drop […]

whether or not you have ever dared to pray

whether or not you have ever dared to pray

maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is really a lamp lit in the window. seems the largest part of my life is a grasping, a strangling, trying to make a good thing and hold on to it as tight as i can. […]

maybe i might love you

maybe i might love you

maybe you’re like me. maybe light has always hit friendship at a strange angle. i’ve always looked for the true friend, the real friend, the friend i could trust no matter what. and i’ve never found her. i’m watching my daughter play in the yard […]