Trump has been pilloried for apparently needing a crib sheet to remember to empathize with the victims and survivors of the Parkland massacre. I was 100% ready to jump on this bandwagon until I remembered that I have a regular reminder set on my iPhone that says “Zena did amazing work today.” I regularly forget that Zena’s unsung and often invisible labor needs recognition, celebration. I forgot so many times that I hurt her feelings, so I set a reminder. Apparently, I need a crib sheet to remember to empathize with my wife.
Why might an empathy prompt be a good and necessary thing? Maybe you’re psychologically unable to empathize, as with certain diagnosable cognitive conditions, or a placement on the autism spectrum. Maybe you’re the victim of childhood trauma, and you wrestle with blind spots in your adult life as a result. Maybe you’re centered entirely outside another person’s experience, and you need to prime yourself to understand their circumstances from your protected place of privilege or deprivation. In any case, Trump or someone near him took an active step to ensure that he was as prepared as possible to be decent to hurting people. I don’t like him any better than I did yesterday, but I think beating him up over empathy prompts is probably a bad idea. I say, “more lists.”
Jesus directs me to love my enemy. If I need a prompt sometimes just to appropriately love those dearest to me, might I benefit from a reminder to love those I’m less accustomed to considering? What would they most want me to know about their experience? What could I do to help them feel safe? How might I best remember to hear them?